December 17th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
David Lynch is a Cute Old Man
There are a variety of adjectives one can use to describe David Lynch. My sister, for example, believes that he is “creepy.” My dad refers to him as “eccentric.” However, neither of these people are what you can call David Lynch experts. I, on the other hand, sitting atop the pinnacle of expertise of all things Lynchian, believe him to be a Cute Old Man.
Our Cute Old Man, David Lynch, has cultivated his career as an unconventional filmmaker through works such as Twin Peaks, an early 90s serial television drama about a murder in a small town, Eraserhead, a surrealist horror film most noted for its deformed amphibious baby, and Blue Velvet, an updated film noir about an average citizen delving into the seedier side of life. All of these works have one thing in common: they’re fucking weird. But the man is as cute as a southern kitten, I tell you!
Before I present my case, it’s vital that we speak of his work. Eraserhead, released in 1977, was Lynch’s first feature length film about a man who is abandoned by his girlfriend and left with their unwanted child, a satanic deformity whose crying never ceases. He tries his best to hide said deformity from the beautiful lady across the hall, however, his efforts are in vain due to the calamity in the cradle. The film’s awkward dialogue and extreme close-ups are but a few contributing factors to Eraserhead’s overall creepy atmosphere, as well as the fact that it’s nearly impossible to decipher what the hell everyone is doing. (Did I mention the singing lady in the radiator?) Lynch’s absurdity does not stop there. Twin Peaks features a strange cast of characters including a giant, a midget, and a log lady. Blue Velvet, although arguably more comprehensible, contains perhaps the most haunting of villains in Frank, a man with a disturbing Oedipal complex and an obsession with cheap beer and gas masks.
Nevertheless, these eerie works do not prevent David Lynch from being a Cute Old Man. What other quality would you attribute to a man who reports the weather, information that is readily available (and more accurate) elsewhere? Why does Los Angeles always have “golden sunshine”? Why is it absolutely necessary for him to upload videos of himself talking about the weather when only his studio is in view? It is because he is cute and reporting the weather is cute.
Do you know what else is cute? Meditation. Guess who meditates? David Lynch. Transcendentally. In fact, he believes schools all over America should have transcendental meditation programs incorporated into their schedules. David Lynch is looking out for the children… and some people think children are cute.
Furthermore, David Lynch has a Twitter account. Twitter, often mistaken for a narcissistic platform in which people spew out their “brilliant” streams of consciousness, serves as medium for Lynch to update the world about his art projects. A few weeks ago, the man announced that he had built a fish over the weekend. Hours later, he posted a picture of the fish and asked others what they had recently accomplished. Whether or not he actually read his fans’ responses is unimportant. The very idea of asking what they think is inherently cute.
So next time you think David Lynch is creepy, consider this: Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth and your innards are probably the same color as her pretty pink bow. No fallacy of logic there!
<3! Not to get all Bob on you, but I love your voice! :DDD You've quite the mastery of tongue-in-cheek. Very nice. Also, I'm going to add David Lynch to Twitter right now.
Aw thanks, Margot! :D Your comments mean a lot to me, especially since I’ve always thought you were extremely witty!